tidbits

today i went zorbing. amazing.

today i visited the glass castle and had green tea ice cream. awesome.

today i saw the vagina monologues. good. pretty vagina-y though.

yesterday i left school to go to the jimjilbang. best "lunch break" ever.

today i saw a few blossoms on a tree. i'm sad i'm leaving right before prime cherry blossom time.

up until last weekend i could count on one hand the amount of times i've really gone out since i've been here. i won't be having any more crazy weekends for a while.

i recently realized that sometimes when i drink i get to a point where i try to make myself sound sober by being very "reasonable" and "smart." in reality, i am not that "reasonable" and "smart" when i actually am sober. this is annoying. especially after the fact when i have to stick with what i said, even though sober me hates it.

wine bars are way cooler than i ever thought they were.

today my apartment started smelling bad. i'm pretty sure there's a sewage issue in the building. i'm pretty sure it won't be fixed very soon. i'm pretty sure i'm glad i'm leaving when i am.

this week i had haggis, tablet (both made by some scottish friends), bingsu, the korean dragon-shaped street food, and hummingbird cake for the first time. all of them were delicious. especially the cake, because it was made with love and southern hospitality.

tomorrow i am going back to the zorbing place to ride dune buggies. i am so excited.

in 3 days i am leaving jeju.

in 4 days i will be home!

praise God!

right now...

what i should be doing:

sorting my clothes

organizing my kitchen stuff into piles for the different people it's going to

doing laundry

making sure i don't have a bunch of extra stuff to get rid of when i leave

packing to make sure everything fits in my suitcases

getting a card for my friend who's leaving

getting all my flight stuff together

what i am doing:

watching boy meets world

i've never been good at preparing in advance. or multitasking. or not getting addicted to shows.

these last 5 days should be interesting...

so in my middle school i've had an "english camp" this week. it's not real english camp, because i don't get to do fun things like food and stuff. but i've tried to at least make it interesting for them because i still think it's terrible that they have to go to classes during their vacation.

ANYWAY... we've been talking about music and music videos. today we were talking about what music videos are for and how you can usually tell what a song is about just by watching the video.

i showed them this one and asked them what it was about.

their responses:

**5 seconds of silent stares**

a few girls: "he just lays everywhere!"

one girl: "he is lazy."

another girl: "he is sad."

a boy: "because he is homeless."

haha they are precious peanuts.

on another note... i'm coming home! don't feel like writing why, but i'm super stoked! and this is the best way to go out... with the best of my favorite kids, then a week of deskwarming to look for jobs.

:)

haha oops

i just left school an hour early legitimately thinking it was 4:30.

it wasn't until i just looked at my phone that i realized that, now that i'm home, it's only 4:08.

oh well... i said goodbye to my co-teacher and she didn't say anything!

this is what deskwarming does to me...

a list...

i'm deskwarming, which means i'm sitting in my empty corner of the school. doing nothing. just distracting myself with mindless internet activities. and thinking.

i'm thinking about what i think my purpose for being here is. because i know there is one... i'm just not sure what that is yet. but i can guarantee that at least part of it is that God wants to teach me. and i have a lot to learn.

here are just a few of the things i've learned so far while being in korea:

1-enjoying kids and liking to spend time with them does not mean that teaching them is a good job for you.

2-language barriers are hard.

3-despite the language barrier, it is entirely possible to get by with charades, gestures, patience, and a willingness laugh at yourself.

4-middle schoolers are way more fun than elementary schoolers, even if they are a lot more difficult to entertain.

5-raw fish, tentacles, fish with bones and scales still attached, and loads of other questionable things are not actually that bad. quail eggs, on the other hand, can disappear forever and i will not be even a little bit sad.

6-a year is not a long time to be in a place.

7-a year is a very long time to be away from the people you love.

8-restlessness has nothing to do with location.

9-no matter how frustrating it can be, living with roommates is completely worth it.

10-i have completely taken for granted the community i've always had and the importance placed on it by myself and those around me. not everyone has that same desire.

11-i build things up in my head to be way harder than they actually are, even after i've seen and proven to myself that this is the case.

12-i rely too much on people and not enough on God. this is the hardest, most important lesson that i'm still in the process of learning.

13-it sucks missing things like weddings and holidays and random events.

14-it's relatively cheap to travel around asia. it's the getting over here part that's really expensive.

15-the whole north/south korea issue is really really sad. i've never really thought about it before, but the more i learn and the more i see how it does affect people's lives, the more blessed i feel to be able to talk to and see my family with almost no restrictions (even when i'm halfway around the world from them).

16-being surrounded by a solid community of believers who lead, support, and go alongside you is a huge blessing that should never be taken lightly.

17-heaters are the greatest thing ever.

18-there are some things that transcend cultures. like bieber fever.

19-even though respecting cultural differences is important, there are some things that are just a)wierd, b)frustrating, and/or c)wrong.

20-lots of times i feel stupid. ask me about politics and i couldn't tell you much. ask me about which celebrities are getting married/pregnant/broken up/caught doing something illegal, however, and i should be able to fill you in. is it bad that politics don't interest me in the slightest, but all of that keeps me completely entertained?

21-"the hawaii of korea" means nothing except that it's a volcanic island.

22-knowing all the right answers--that God is there, that He has a plan, that He's working even if you can't see it--usually does nothing to make me feel better. in fact, it usually just makes me annoyed.

23-sometimes the "best" plans are completely wrong.

24-it would be nice if God would just give answers in an obvious way instead of letting me think that i have everything figured out on my own. but He doesn't work like this... and if He does, i need to learn how to listen and stop thinking that i know what i'm doing.

25-i feel sorry for myself a lot. in reality, i know that i am truly blessed.

and there it is... there is a lot more that could be added to this list. these are just the things i can think of right now, without getting into snarky comments about korea.

i really do know that i am blessed, and that God is right here, holding me and teaching me and helping me through. it's just a long process of breaking and rebuilding that i've been due to go through for a long time now...

i love and miss you all!

really?

sometimes i get in these moods where i just feel sorry for myself. i just sit here and think about how awful my life is and how if **insert anything here** were different, my life would be awesome. and then i have to remind myself of how blessed i am. i am in the middle of an experience that not very many people will ever get the chance to have. i have people who love me, i have a God who is so good, i have a steady, solid job during a time when so many people have nothing. i truly am blessed...

and yet, i tell myself all of these things, and i still feel sad. it doesn't make me miss home any less. it doesn't make me any more stoked on going back to work after this break. it doesn't make me feel like i'm really doing any good. it doesn't make me stop worrying that i made the wrong choice in coming here. it doesn't make me okay with the fact that i'm sick and i can't just drive an hour to lie in my bed and have my mom rub my back.

and then i get frustrated that i can be so incredibly blessed... and i know how blessed i am... but i still have such a bad attitude!

this is SO not going along with my prayer for the new year... and we're only 8 days in!

Dear God,

please fix this!

love, me

resolution

so... my big new years plans were kinda changed by the BLIZZARD that was happening for the last 2 days, so my new years eve was spent playing bananagrams (which is actually what i was doing last year too!) with some friends. it was very relaxed and cozy and simple... and it was great. today was a lazy day, spent drinking mimosas all day long with a few other friends. i've never really been a big new years celebration person... and i also don't really do resolutions.

so, instead of making a bunch of promises that i know i won't be able to keep, my prayer for this year is this:

that God would take this year and do with it what He will... that i will be joyful and content in every day, not constantly waiting for the future... that i will have the confidence and the courage to sieze opportunities, whether they be experiences, conversations, or anything that comes up... that i will seek wisdom and grow in my faith and learn more and more exactly what i believe and why i believe it, and to be able to defend it with confidence... that God will continue to reveal Himself to me in ways that i can't even imagine, and that i will recognize it when it happens... that i will live my life with gladness in a way that brings glory to God in everything that i do... that people will see Him in me.

basically i'm putting this year in God's hands, because i know He's in control.

i praise God for a new year, for new opportunities, for where i am, and for all of the people i love. i pray that your year will be blessed and that you will constantly be amazed by God's goodness.

i love you all...