thankful

*warning: this is a long and rambly thought-dump. if you want to skip to the end, go for it.*

today i stayed home from school with a migraine. honestly, i probably could have gone and been just fine. yesterday it came in the afternoon, and i laid in my office with my head on my desk feeling sorry for myself. then this morning when i woke up i had a little headache, so i called in because i didn't want to be at school feeling miserable again. i can fight through not being able to breathe, stomachaches, body pain, and most other things. but when it comes to headaches, i'm a giant baby. pair that with a little bit of nausea, and it's just not worth it to me. so i've had a long day of lying in bed, watching movies and cuddling with madeline. it's been a much needed rest.

today is also thanksgiving. at the middle school i've been teaching about thanksgiving this week, and i've ended the lesson with the most important part: it means it's now christmas season! my ct said she can tell i love christmas season just because of how happy i looked when i was talking about it. i've been going back and forth about christmas season this year. i'm definitely forcing it on my middle schoolers... we're decorating the room and spending all of december on christmas stuff. i'm pretty excited. i have a christmas tree and decorations for my apartment... so that should be good. but it's just not the same. i would never expect it to be... they just don't do christmas here like we do at home. it just puts a lot more pressure on me to make it exciting.

i'm not sure if it's because the holidays are coming up, or because i'm just exhausted, or just because i have a lot of thinking time... but i've been really second guessing everything in my life. i do this a lot... i've changed my mind so many times. and every time i always think that God is laying something on my heart. but i'm starting to realize that i really think i'm just acting on my feelings most of the time. and i know that God gives us desires, but what if i don't even know what my desires are? before i came to korea, i was planning on staying 2 years (at least). financially, it makes the most sense to pay off most of my loans and have a lot more freedom to do what i really want (live other places). as of right now, that's still the plan. but in all my thinking lately, i've been second guessing that plan. because now i don't know what my desires are. i miss everyone at home more than i ever thought possible. i knew that i would miss people... because i love you all so much. of course i knew that i would miss you and it would be hard at times. but it's more than just missing people and things. it's this desperate desire to be surrounded by the people i love, to be in the presence of those people who mean more to me than anyone, and who i know love me so deeply. i'm wondering why i ever wanted to leave... why i was so desperate to get out... why i thought i was missing something, when everything i needed was right there.

and then i remember the restlessness i felt right before i left. i remember the last year and a half, wanting just to get out, wondering why anyone would want to stay when they could leave and experience a whole different world. i remember why i came, and how it felt. and i'm glad i'm here. i really am. i know that i will not regret this. i don't regret it.

i'm just not so sure if this is what i want the rest of my life to be like. i'm wondering... what is so wrong with just visiting places? is it really impossible to make a difference in the world while living close to the people i love? is getting my loans paid off quickly really worth being away from everyone? i don't know... i don't even know how i'll feel in a couple hours, let alone the 8 months i have left before i have to decide whether i will sign on for a second year! and so, in the midst of all this wondering and feeling sorry for myself... i will go out, have my first thanksgiving dinner away from home, and carry on with life. because that is what i do.

so if you've read all this... sorry. sorry for the rambling and the whining and the dumping. just know that i really am ok.

and i am thankful. i am thankful for the opportunity i have to be here, to be experiencing something new, to be challenged, to meet new people, to grow closer to God in a completely different way. i am thankful for my amazing family and friends, who i miss so much but who i know will be there when i get back.

i am thankful for my life. i truly am blessed, no matter how much i tend to forget it.

praise God for that.

fighting!!

so... today was the 10k! i was originally registered for the half marathon but when i looked at my training schedule a couple weeks ago and saw that i had not run AT ALL, i decided to change. and i'm glad i did... there is no way i would have survived the half! i was pretty stoked on finishing the 10k! i have been sick for the last week, and i've barely been able to breathe sitting still because my nose is so stuffed up. so i was pretty worried about running. even this morning i really didn't feel like going, but i sucked it up and went and it was totally worth it! i didn't really do very well... i walked some (on hills... the whole second half was uphill! but i only walked part of it). my final time was 1:04:26. i'm okay with that... it's definitely not the best, but i wasn't last either, so it's good. it was so awesome... every time i would start to slow down an old korean man would come up beside me and say "keep running!" this happened like 4 different times with 4 different guys... everyone is always encouraging each other and pushing each other. it's so cool to see! one man ran beside me for a while to make me keep running, and eventually he turned to me and said (in very broken english) "when i run with you, i am not tired!" haha... i was slowing him down a lot. anyway... i finished and it was good. i definitely could have used some running leading up to it, but now i've learned my lesson.

and it was really fun! marathons in korea are so awesome. everyone is really energetic and they have concerts and all the old korean men make speeches in their funny way of talking... it's just amazing. plus, since i was a foreigner i got a box of oranges and a sweet book about jeju! here are some pictures... there weren't as many foreigners as last time but it was still fun. and i put the rest on facebook so they're not on here...

kelly and me... she came to jeju at the same time i did and lives in my building. i originally convinced her to do the half with me, then i stopped training. she still did it though!

had to get the crotchpunch picture. also i wore my same outfit from the half... :) (the sun was behind me... thus the glary spot on this one and the next one...)

box of oranges and a book... awesome! they love foreigners here.

and there it is... the 10k. wonderful :)

praise the Lord for healthy legs and a beautiful day!

a story...

so today was a come home from school and get cozy day. it's cold, i'm sick, and middle schoolers are exhausting. so i came home, put in a load of laundry, cleaned out madeline's litter box, and curled up on the couch to catch up on some shows. both the washing machine and the litter box are in the bathroom (this is important). so about 10 minutes after i sat down i looked over to see madeline with wet paws. "that's weird," i thought to myself. but she's always knocking her water bowl around or climbing behind the washing machine (sometimes water gets back there... it's annoying that she goes back there but there's not much i can do about it), so i didn't think much of it. then a few minutes later i noticed her go into the bathroom and come out wet again. hmmm... so i got out of my cozy little ball and walked to the bathroom to see that the whole floor was soaking wet. now... i had been in there about 20 minutes before and everything was perfectly dry. i was so confused. so i looked behind the toilet and noticed that there was a little drip coming from the tank. the weird part was that it was really not dripping a lot... but the whole floor was wet. it made no sense. **sidenote: they have been doing some work in my building, and one of the things my housing coordinator informed us of was that some people would be checking on pipes in the bathroom. i'm not sure if they came to my room yet, but the toilet has never leaked before. but it was perfectly fine when i first got home, unless i really just missed it. it's so weird.** moving on... so i emailed coordinator han and asked him if people had been in my room, and could someone please come fix the leak (keep in mind that it's night time, so it won't be fixed until tomorrow at the earliest...). so after i sent the email, my washing machine started beeping for me to put in the fabric softener (normal.). so i went in there to see that now the whole bathroom was covered in like 2 inches of water! the washing machine drains into the drain on the floor, and for some reason the water was not draining. i have no idea why... it has never done that before. so i rushed to get the litter box out so that madeline wouldn't be running in and out, and when i went back in, the water had drained! it was the weirdest thing ever... and really annoying. so now my bathroom has a leaky toilet and a questionable drain, and i have to take a shower.

fin.

today...

i learned:

-it doesn't matter how much you can prove that it's not... koreans will still say that fan death is a real, legitimate danger

-if you have a slightly reflective surface (in this case, the tv screen with a black background), your students will use it as a mirror and (unbeknownst to them) provide lots of entertainment for you

-students are like bees when you smoke the hive. turn on the heater and they basically fall asleep. turn it off, and within 3 minutes they're back to being loud and crazy. it's the funniest thing ever to watch from the front of a classroom

-be careful when you wear a hat to cover up the fact that you didn't shower... one of your co-teachers will probably make you let her try it on, and your nappy bedhead will be out there for all to see

-watching kids' reactions to a funny video is usually funnier than the video itself

-"superstition" in korean is 미신

praise the Lord for entertainment in my day!

wednesdays are the best days.

wednesdays are my favorite weekdays. it's the day that i only have 2 classes (with my favorite co-teacher jenny), then for the rest of the day i just get to relax (or get stuff done, of course). every wednesday i wish i had my camera, and i finally remembered it this week. so here is my wednesday...

every week jenny and i go for a walk. my school is about a block away from the ocean, so we usually walk down there.

this is a little boat... it is neat. it was a really nice day (after a string of COLD ones!).

this is a view looking inland from on top of a bridge... my school is in there somewhere. the square area with the little covered part is a pool that women will go to in the summer to bathe and wash clothes and talk to other women... it's really cold! jenny told me that her mom used to take her there all the time when she was younger, and she (her mom) still goes all the time when it's hot.

squid boats. when i first got here the ocean would be completely full of these at night, and the view from my window of the lights on the water was completely surreal.

my favorite co-teacher jenny! seriously... i can't tell you how much she has blessed me. she has no idea either. but she has helped me more than any of my other co-teachers, and she's only at the school once a week! i love our weekly walks... i look forward to them every week. she always gives me advice, and helped me when i was sick, and she always makes sure i remember my milk :) (i actually just learned that her husband runs a milk delivery company! that explains why she is so adamant about it haha) i would also like to point out her fuzzy vest. she was very proud of it... she bought it for herself as an anniversary gift from her husband.

so we were walking one day and came across this random little field. then jenny read the sign that was there and we found out that it belongs to our school! all the classes have their own little crop... this picture makes me laugh because it's the kindergarteners' crop... notice that it's just a bunch of dirt and weeds haha!

this is a little area with some wood paths over a pond. it's one of the stops on our walk :)

and jenny asked me to take another picture of her. i wish that i could express to you how precious she is. (she's the one who gave me the oven, by the way. i gave her some persimmon bread as a thank you.)

now back to school...

can you spot the waygook? there are actually 2 of us, but one is a lot more obvious.

as soon as the kids see the camera they want a picture. this one is funny because he's doing "kimchi!" everyone gives the peace sign in pictures here. it's seriously like an automatic reaction to a camera.

this is mi ri, my head co-teacher at sinchon. she's wonderful and works really hard.

here's what my desk in my office looks like! don't worry... i didn't bother to straighten it up. i like to keep things real on this bloggy blog.

here's from the other side. right behind where i stood to take this is a corner filled with books and a little table. and through the door and windows is my classroom! i didn't take a picture of it because alpha had a class in there... also i promise that i didn't realize it was pink until i took this picture. the only wall i ever noticed was the sweet wood one (on the left, behind the desk).

and this is alpha omega (talk teacher) and mj (talk co-teacher). they are fun to have around :)

and of course this would not be complete without the baby... here she is looking at me while we played with the laser pointer. if i turn it off, she comes and makes this face because she knows exactly where the light comes from. little does she know in this one that it is, in fact, right by her.

once she sees the light, it's on. notice it on her ear... she has no idea that she caught it!

and that is all.

praise the Lord for wednesdays!

a running tally...

so... God is good.
here's just a little list of some of the things i'm thanking Him for today:

-persimmon bread for breakfast (seriously... yum!)-
-only 2 classes today-
-finding a topic for my middle schoolers on friday-
-my favorite co-teacher Jenny-
-delicious lunch-
-friends and family who love the Lord and recognize that blessings are from HIM-
and finally (and the biggest thing)...
-MY DAD BEING HEALED!-
here is a little snippet of the email i got from him first thing this morning:

"I returned to the nephrologist today for the oft postponed six month checkup for the status of my chronic kidney disease. His words: 'You are healed'. Confirming what I knew to be true, God has healed me! We then got to talk about some other things God has been doing; our recent trips, our families, etc. He told me there is no need and he has no intention of seeing me as a patient again. God is good!"

(in case you didn't read it or forgot, this talks about my dad's kidney issues...)

seriously... there's no other way to say it. God is so good!

i'm praying for you all today... that God will bless you immensely and He will show Himself to you in all the little (and big!) things!


here are some more that have happened since i wrote that a couple hours ago:

-getting my bank account and phone bill figured out (specifically jenny's willingness to help with this)-
-my weekly walk and good conversation-
-mi ri (my head co-teacher at sinchon) telling me the persimmon bread i gave her was delicious and then telling me how lucky she feels to have good english teachers at this school-
-being able to talk to friends from home while i'm at work-

really. i know there will be more.

all right... before i go to bed:

-an insanely pleasant bus ride home-

-yoga/pilates class with extra stretching-

-time with friends watching toy story 3 and eating snacks-

-talking to david, who i haven't talked to in a long time!-

praise God for the little things that are HUGE blessings.

currently obsessed

i just rediscovered this little gem.

do it.

http://thewildernessdowntown.com/