it starts...

ok... so tonight was my party. it was fun. i told everyone about this blog, so you guys are probably reading this.
hey :)
but anyways... it made me almost more nervous and sad about leaving everyone. when i'm not around the people i'm going to miss, i don't think so much about how much i'm going to miss them. it seriously was so awesome to have everyone come and to be able to see everyone one more time before i leave. i know i'm only gonna be gone 4 months... it's not like a lifetime. but it's the first time i've ever really been away from home on my own! (school doesn't count... it's like 40 minutes away. plus lys was with me...) i wasn't really nervous before. i'm still not even nervous about the things i guess i should be nervous about (my flights going smoothly, figuring out classes and such, the fact that i still haven't figured out my loans...) but i'm getting really nervous about random things. what if i find out that i hate being that far from home? what is that gonna do to my plan of working overseas as soon as i get out of school? let alone living in cambodia someday...? what if for some crazy reason i hate australia? it's not like i can just change my mind and come home...
i keep telling myself that those are ridiculous thoughts, but i still keep thinking them. deep down i know that it's going to be incredible, and i'm going to learn so much. and if nothing else, i'll be able to take the experience with my for the rest of my life. i think the main reason i'm starting to worry is the fact that i honestly feel like it shouldn't be time for me to leave yet. it seriously seems like i was just at leela's in the middle of the night trying to write my essays and send in my application, and all of a sudden it's 2 days until i leave. i just feel like i haven't had time to do everything i planned to do before i left, and now it's too late. and really there was not a whole lot that i planned, but for some reason it seems like i've run out of time. it's totally worth it though, and i know once i'm there i'm not even going to be worried about any of that, but it's hard to really imagine what it's going to be like for real. and i really don't want to try to imagine it, because i don't want to form expectations. i think i'm just in shock. maybe the 14 hours of sitting on a plane will give me a chance to sort out my thoughts...

ps: i'll try to send postcards and letters while i'm gone, but i really can't make any promises.
but it would be absolutely brilliant if you wanted to send me something while i'm there :)
for letters-- Kailey Otten
ASC-Wesley Institute
PO Box 534
Drummoyne, NSW 1470
AUSTRALIA
for packages-- Kailey Otten
ASC-Wesley Institute
5 Mary Street
Drummoyne, NSW 2047
AUSTRALIA