this morning i got to go to the markets with michelle and braedon. it was absolutely insane! there were so many people yelling and trying to sell their fresh veggies and people were slamming their trolleys into everyone... it was so entertaining. and it was great to hang out with michelle and see her in action. that woman is fierce! she just wove in and out of everyone like it was her job... braedon and i had a hard time keeping up. even though i had to get up ridiculously early it was fully worth it. hopefully i'll be able to go again before i leave... it was so fun!
i can't even describe the range of emotions i've been going through lately. i heard before i came that, when you study abroad, your highs are really high and your lows are super low. i don't know that i've experienced that necessarily. but i have found that i can go from really high to really low in about 4 seconds, and there is no apparent reason behind it. perfect example: the other day i was having a really really good day. nothing in particular... i just was really happy and excited about everything, even though nothing especially exciting was happening. then all of a sudden i just didn't want to be where i was. i didn't want to be around anyone, i didn't want to do anything, all i wanted to do was talk to my parents, and i knew they were out of town, so i couldn't. but, God is GOOD! during that moment i locked myself in the closet (the only place in my flat the internet works...) and got on facebook and who just happened to be on? my MOM! it was probably 3 or 4 am where she was, and she just happened to not be able to sleep at that time when i wanted to talk to her more than anything.
it never ceases to amaze me how God is always right there when we need Him most. every day He'll give me some little thing that just brightens my day. it's amazing the way the smallest things can make such a difference. just things like the bus coming on time, or someone giving me a random hug, or a funny billboard at the train station, or a random email from someone i haven't heard from in a while (or someone i have... those are always good!)
i think that is one of the biggest things that being here has taught me... the little things count! even when i don't always feel close to God (and... to be perfectly honest, that's how it's been most of the time...), i know that He's still there.
i was talking to my friend rachel yesterday about God. the asc is putting on the gathering (like chapel) next week, and our theme is "God as King." she was saying how she hates that phrase, because she doesn't like feeling like God is just controlling her life and she's just like a puppet. i was thinking about it and, while i don't think that is really how it is, i actually love that. i love that God is completely in control. i love that i don't have to worry because He is in charge, and He will take care of me. i've been learning so much about the world and social justice and how God cares about the whole world. i've been really challenged about how i live and how i can help those who need it, and i've been so focused on how much God loves all these people in the world and i need to love them that i've almost forgotten that He cares about me too! He doesn't love me more, but He does love me and He cares about ME! i guess sometimes i just feel like i am over here, and the rest of the world is over there, and that is where God is focused, and i need to shift my attention there if i want to be closer to Him. but God meets me where i'm at! i do need to care about the world and i do need to love and i do need to do my part, but none of that will bring me closer to God. i need to seek Him where i am, right now. because He's here... i just haven't been looking.
that was really random and long... sorry!
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