really?

sometimes i get in these moods where i just feel sorry for myself. i just sit here and think about how awful my life is and how if **insert anything here** were different, my life would be awesome. and then i have to remind myself of how blessed i am. i am in the middle of an experience that not very many people will ever get the chance to have. i have people who love me, i have a God who is so good, i have a steady, solid job during a time when so many people have nothing. i truly am blessed...

and yet, i tell myself all of these things, and i still feel sad. it doesn't make me miss home any less. it doesn't make me any more stoked on going back to work after this break. it doesn't make me feel like i'm really doing any good. it doesn't make me stop worrying that i made the wrong choice in coming here. it doesn't make me okay with the fact that i'm sick and i can't just drive an hour to lie in my bed and have my mom rub my back.

and then i get frustrated that i can be so incredibly blessed... and i know how blessed i am... but i still have such a bad attitude!

this is SO not going along with my prayer for the new year... and we're only 8 days in!

Dear God,

please fix this!

love, me