for those of you who have read none of this blog, or those who just want to know where i am and what i'm doing...

i've always wanted to live in one of the carolinas. we've been visiting my mom's family in virginia every couple years for as long as i can remember, and i've always had a love of the southeast... i've also always thought the carolinas were more classy than va, and north was more classy than south (why? i could not tell you...). i recently got a letter from my past self (an assignment in senior year calculus) asking if i was living in the south yet. seriously... it goes back further than that, too. keep this in mind.

fast forward to junior year of college, when i decided that i wanted to live abroad. annoying amounts of student loans basically limited me to one option in order to do that, so, after graduation, i ended up teaching english in south korea (one of the few countries that pay more than a living stipend to teach). my experience there was... not awful... but it was one of the hardest times of my entire life, both mentally and spiritually. BUT, while i was there, i realized what i wanted to do when i got home! living in a foreign country is hard, especially when the culture is completely different and you don't know a lick of the language. it was during a particularly hard day of attempting to go about mediocre everyday tasks (made difficult by the previously mentioned facts), while wishing that i had someone there with me to read signs, talk to people in charge, and understand what was going on and help me figure it out, that i realized: if it was that difficult for me in a pretty cushy situation, how hard must it be for people fleeing to america? could i be that person who helps refugees to go about the "easy" tasks that they need to do? does that job even exist? so, after a couple more months in korea, i realized that it really was not the best place for me to be (for a number of different reasons), and i decided to come home early and attempt to find a job working with refugees. (having never quit anything like that before in my life, it was not an easy decision, but i have not regretted it once.)

after a month of being home, still not really finding any jobs or leads, i went with Bryan back to uganda to volunteer at musana for 6 weeks. it was wonderful, but i also spent the whole time a little preoccupied thinking about what i would do when i got back to real life.

after getting home, looking around for jobs relating to refugees, and finding nothing, i resigned myself to the fact that i would probably just live at home for a little while and work at some job nearby to save some money and make payments on my loans.

and that was when i checked out idealist.org for the hundredth time.

i didn't even choose any specifics... not location, not job type, not even paid or volunteer. the first job that came up on the listing was a position assisting with youth programs for refugee youth in charlotte, nc. really? really. so i said, "i should probably just apply for it..." i showed it to my parents, who pointed out that it was an americorps position (read: you make next to nothing) and it was part time (read: really. not even enough to live off of). but, being me and not worrying about things like that until i have to, i sent in my resume, a week later i emailed to follow up, and a couple days later i got a call to set up an interview for a few weeks after that. after the interview, i was told that i would hear in a couple of weeks about the position, and i honestly didn't think i would get it. i even applied and interviewed for another job. but, right after that interview, i found out that i had gotten this one! i was so excited, until a few days later when it hit me that i really wouldn't be able to live off of what i was making, i didn't have a place to live or a car to get there, and i would be leaving my family again. after lots of talking it out and praying and reassuring words from people, i started to get really excited again, and things started coming together.

so, after a 2 1/2 day drive with my dad, lots of unpacking and decorating, and lots of awesome God things, i am here and so excited to see what He has in store for me here! my new job hasn't started yet (orientation starts september 1st), but i already love it here.

i made a new blog... i know i've had this one forever, but i feel like it's just time for another change. so the new blog is
mountainstotrees.tumblr.com
yes... i decided to switch to tumblr. who knows... maybe i'll hate it and come back to blogger. but really i'm not that picky, so i'll probably just stay there because i'm lazy.
anyway... go on to that to see what God has done here so far!

sidenote: for those who may be wondering why i was so quick to move away again when i missed home so much... it's true, i love home and i miss being close to my family and friends. but, the way i see it, compared to korea north carolina is just a hop, skip, and a jump away from home, and if i absolutely need to be there, i can get on a plane and be there in a few hours. also i can talk to people on the phone whenever i want, which really is a big deal.

someday...

i will have children who do this, and we will have hoedowns in our backyard. it will be glorious.



i might not put dead animals in their rooms though... still haven't decided.

someday...

if i ever end up in a nursing home (is a retirement community the same thing? either way...), it better be one like this.



(also it's annoying that blogger cuts off half the video... if you just click on the title it will take you to youtube. you probably already know that.)

...

this made me chuckle.
there's no denying that this kid is insanely talented.
i'm so confused about my feelings about this song, though. on the one hand, i can't believe how ridiculous it is that it is about unfriending someone. but on the other hand, i'm glad he's not trying to act like he's older than 14, because i'm pretty sure at 14 unfriending is, like, the ultimate diss when you break up with someone.



here's the chorus:

So it's over now we're through, so I'll unfriend you
You're the best liar I ever knew, so I will unfriend you
Because I should have known, right from the start
I'm deleting you right from my heart
Yeah it's over, my last move is to unfriend you

really?
remember when *nsync had that song "digital get-down?" just thought of that...

...

i have the bronch. and by that i mean i have bronchitis. today i went to urgent care (where the staff was freakin awesome) and i had to get a chest x-ray because they were worried i got tuberculosis while i was in uganda. but i didn't... just some bronchitis. so i had to take some medicine, and my mom said that it would keep me awake. and she was right. and now i'm laying in bed, weirdly hot, and thinking about stuff (but not very clearly).

i'm at the weirdest place i've ever been in my life right now. part of me loves it, and part of me is completely over it. i seriously have no idea what i'm going to do with my life. i definitely still have long-term goals for where i'd like to be in the next 10ish years, but as for the next months and years, i don't know. and i can't figure out what i even want to do. i don't know if i want to stay in colorado or move away. i really want to go to north carolina, but i don't know if i want to go now, or wait. and if i stay in colorado, i don't know if i want to stay up around ft. collins, or go back to denver, or go down to the springs or somewhere else. and the thing is, there's really nothing going on in any of those places that makes the decision any easier. i've always had some sort of idea of what i was going to do and was always working towards whatever it was... but right now i got nothin'. it's pretty ridiculous. prayers would be greatly appreciated... for direction, for faith, for a job.

i just finished reading the help. normally when books are on the best seller list and people tell me to read them, i avoid them for a few years until the hype has died down. because usually if i read them, i end up wondering what all the fuss was about because they are so hyped up. (harry potter is an exception to this. but i feel like that's a completely different type of thing... also it took me a looong time to get on that train.). but with this book, it was different. i actually really really liked it, and i understand why people have made such a big deal about it. i would recommend it. i don't know what i'm going to read next...

i want to go to a rockies game. i haven't gone to one yet, and that makes me sad. honestly, i haven't really been paying attention to how they're doing this year. meh.

this summer should be interesting. hopefully in a good way. i trust that it will be.

last summer i saw the backstreet boys in concert. it was epic. kevin wasn't there, but no one really cares about him anyway. here they are singing show me the meaning of being lonely. (followed by i want it that way)

living with ugandans=

listening to the same music at ridiculous volumes at all times.

it’s hot. like really really hot. i don’t actually think it’s any hotter today than it has been most of the other days i’ve been here, but for some reason today seems extra hot. i think it’s because the last week has been relatively cool. oh well… i guess being basically on top of the equator means you’ll have that.

david left last night. it was so great having him here. there are a lot of reasons, but i won’t talk about them. but a big one is that he just cracks me up and is always fun to have around. thursday night we (leah too) went to kampala and stayed just outside the city at the red chilli, a hostel, which was absolutely wonderful. we had a great meal, nice beds, HOT SHOWERS, and just lots of relaxing and hanging out. then the next day we went into kampala to see what the city had to offer. i didn’t think i liked kampala, but it turns out i actually really do. it was incredible to see the difference being in a big city makes. there were actually times where it didn’t even feel like we were in africa (which i honestly had a hard time believing was possible before i experienced it). in the morning we went to the craft market, which was really fun, then we went and wandered around the mall (including the bookstore) for a little while. after the mall we went to a turkish restaurant called efendy’s to relax and share a hookah (because, you know, that’s what you do here. haha not really…). the restaurant was in the middle of this park full of bars and restaurants. being in the park, you forget that you are in a big city. then when you go out of the gates, it’s immediately loud and crazy again. it was ridiculous. after that we walked over to owina, a HUGE market that i would never go to alone, if for no other reason than the fact that i would get lost in there forever. it was so fun, though, finding hats (for david… for some reason it was fun scoping out hats for him) and just seeing all the stuff they had around. after owina we ran and got a quick dinner before heading to the airport to drop david off and making the long drive back to iganga. it was a really fun last day with david, and i’m so glad we did it!

the kids are still precious and wonderful. we’ve been taking groups to the pool, which has been really fun. so far we’ve taken the oldest/youngest girls and the oldest/youngest boys. it was funny how different the groups were, in both predictable and completely surprising ways.

it’s hard to believe i only have 10 more days here. this time has gone by so fast. i’m definitely sad to think about leaving the kids and bryan, but i’m not gonna lie—i’m pretty excited about my own bed, hot showers, and the conveniences of home!

i still don’t know what i’m doing when i get back… i know that i’m looking for a job in a terrible time, which is scary. but i trust that God is going to put me where He wants me. so sending out resumes and filling out applications will be my life for the next little while… should be a good time!

in other news... i'm obsessed with this child! winnie... stinkin' wonderful.

these ones too. just kidding... but i really do love my brothers.

as much as this picture might suggest otherwise...

today...

i watched a baby being born. awesome!

and i'm so happy that both of my brothers are here :)

and tomorrow we're taking the kids to the pool. it should be a fun day.

rough...

today was a rough day. it wasn't a bad day... just a rough one.

first of all, we found some baby kittens (like maybe a week old, but more likely a few days) on the road on the way to musana. leah asked obama where their mom was and he told her that the owner had "refused them." so we took them to musana, and i tried to feed them some milk. i don't expect them to live through the night, but at least they are in relative comfort and safety, away from the mean kids on the street.

even though that was sad, the main reason today was so rough was because it's the first day of holiday. that means that the kids parents/guardians came and got them to go home. the ones leaving were so excited, and it was bittersweet to see them go. i was excited for them, but sad because i'll be gone before they get back. but my heart broke for the kids who stayed behind. these are the kids whose parents are dead, who watch their friends leaving and know that they don't get to go and exactly why. these kids are such little troopers, though. i can't even imagine all that they've been through, and yet they almost always have smiles on their faces and are so excited about life. selfishly, i'm glad they're staying because that means i get to spend more time with them (i've fallen more and more in love with them every single day). but i wish that they got to leave... that they had families to go home to. my prayer is that they know how much they are loved, because they are.

i've been struggling and praying and thinking about God's love lately, and what it means to show His love, and what His love means for these kids and the people who have nothing. it's a tough subject.

please pray for the kids, that they will know how much they are loved, by God and the people He has placed in their lives. and for the ones who went home, that they will have a good, safe, healthy holiday. and pray for me, that i will be able to show His love in the best way possible, for energy, for my project and finding someone to make the books for a price that i can afford, and for confidence in situations that arise.

thanks and i love you all!

carlos

i have a friend. his name is carlos. he likes to hang out in the bathroom while i attempt to get clean in the cold shower (which is actually way more pleasant than you'd think). sometimes i think he's not there, but then i realize he is... never fails.

he's a cockroach.

on another note... i milked a cow yesterday! another thing on my life list checked off. it was very exciting, and i'm doing it again today :)

happy

currently sitting in the shade at musana while the kids work on exams.

attempting to find a company who wants to help out with the yearbooks.

listening to sweet ugandan music coming from inside.

so happy :)

updates

there are really not a lot of updates... except these ones:

-i figured out my project and i'm SUPER stoked! my dad actually had the idea before i left, but being here and figuring out how i'll actually do it has made me way more excited. i'm going to make a yearbook to give to the kids, their families, and sponsors/supporters back in the states. my love of taking pictures and putting stuff together on pages means that this will be really fun for me :)

-the babies are wonderful and i love them more and more every day. learning and remembering more names has been fun too!

please pray for these things:

-that musana will be able to get their NGO status! apparently it's tricky here in uganda when an organization works with children (especially if it has "children" or "orphans" in the name). an inspector came (or will be coming) today to check out musana and the kids and make sure they're not training up child soldiers (seriously). so pray that it will go well and smoothly and the ridiculous corruption will not cause problems...

-the yearbooks. i want them to be quality, which is expensive. i'm working on getting in touch with a few different photo sites and online yearbook companies to get a big discount or possibly get them donated (long shot, but it would be SO awesome! also God is good and could totally work it so the emails get to the right people :) )

-emma's hip surgery stuff (he's a musana kid who needs a hip surgery and they're working on getting him to the states to do it)

-looking for maria

-health and safety of course :)

there's that... i have lots of random little stories, but they'll be better in person.

thanks for your thoughts and prayers! love you all!

here!

well... i'm in uganda now :)

i've only been here a day... but it's been a good one! i'm already sunburned, and i'm so excited to spend then next 6 weeks with these babies!

i'll write more later, but for now i'm just gonna put some things that would be wonderful to be covered in prayer!

-musana in general... that God would continue to move and bring the right people in-

-my project. i still have no idea what i'm going to do... there are lots of things to be done, but i'm supposed to come up with my own project to work on. pray that God will show me what is needed most-

-the kids! they are wonderful-

-relationships formed and deepened here, with fellow volunteers, the kids, ugandans, and bryan-

-health!!-

-safety-

-anything else you can think of :)-

thanks for your prayers and for being wonderful! i'll try to update on here a lot... but don't be surprised if i wait until after i get back to just put it all on here :)

tidbits

today i went zorbing. amazing.

today i visited the glass castle and had green tea ice cream. awesome.

today i saw the vagina monologues. good. pretty vagina-y though.

yesterday i left school to go to the jimjilbang. best "lunch break" ever.

today i saw a few blossoms on a tree. i'm sad i'm leaving right before prime cherry blossom time.

up until last weekend i could count on one hand the amount of times i've really gone out since i've been here. i won't be having any more crazy weekends for a while.

i recently realized that sometimes when i drink i get to a point where i try to make myself sound sober by being very "reasonable" and "smart." in reality, i am not that "reasonable" and "smart" when i actually am sober. this is annoying. especially after the fact when i have to stick with what i said, even though sober me hates it.

wine bars are way cooler than i ever thought they were.

today my apartment started smelling bad. i'm pretty sure there's a sewage issue in the building. i'm pretty sure it won't be fixed very soon. i'm pretty sure i'm glad i'm leaving when i am.

this week i had haggis, tablet (both made by some scottish friends), bingsu, the korean dragon-shaped street food, and hummingbird cake for the first time. all of them were delicious. especially the cake, because it was made with love and southern hospitality.

tomorrow i am going back to the zorbing place to ride dune buggies. i am so excited.

in 3 days i am leaving jeju.

in 4 days i will be home!

praise God!

right now...

what i should be doing:

sorting my clothes

organizing my kitchen stuff into piles for the different people it's going to

doing laundry

making sure i don't have a bunch of extra stuff to get rid of when i leave

packing to make sure everything fits in my suitcases

getting a card for my friend who's leaving

getting all my flight stuff together

what i am doing:

watching boy meets world

i've never been good at preparing in advance. or multitasking. or not getting addicted to shows.

these last 5 days should be interesting...

so in my middle school i've had an "english camp" this week. it's not real english camp, because i don't get to do fun things like food and stuff. but i've tried to at least make it interesting for them because i still think it's terrible that they have to go to classes during their vacation.

ANYWAY... we've been talking about music and music videos. today we were talking about what music videos are for and how you can usually tell what a song is about just by watching the video.

i showed them this one and asked them what it was about.

their responses:

**5 seconds of silent stares**

a few girls: "he just lays everywhere!"

one girl: "he is lazy."

another girl: "he is sad."

a boy: "because he is homeless."

haha they are precious peanuts.

on another note... i'm coming home! don't feel like writing why, but i'm super stoked! and this is the best way to go out... with the best of my favorite kids, then a week of deskwarming to look for jobs.

:)

haha oops

i just left school an hour early legitimately thinking it was 4:30.

it wasn't until i just looked at my phone that i realized that, now that i'm home, it's only 4:08.

oh well... i said goodbye to my co-teacher and she didn't say anything!

this is what deskwarming does to me...

a list...

i'm deskwarming, which means i'm sitting in my empty corner of the school. doing nothing. just distracting myself with mindless internet activities. and thinking.

i'm thinking about what i think my purpose for being here is. because i know there is one... i'm just not sure what that is yet. but i can guarantee that at least part of it is that God wants to teach me. and i have a lot to learn.

here are just a few of the things i've learned so far while being in korea:

1-enjoying kids and liking to spend time with them does not mean that teaching them is a good job for you.

2-language barriers are hard.

3-despite the language barrier, it is entirely possible to get by with charades, gestures, patience, and a willingness laugh at yourself.

4-middle schoolers are way more fun than elementary schoolers, even if they are a lot more difficult to entertain.

5-raw fish, tentacles, fish with bones and scales still attached, and loads of other questionable things are not actually that bad. quail eggs, on the other hand, can disappear forever and i will not be even a little bit sad.

6-a year is not a long time to be in a place.

7-a year is a very long time to be away from the people you love.

8-restlessness has nothing to do with location.

9-no matter how frustrating it can be, living with roommates is completely worth it.

10-i have completely taken for granted the community i've always had and the importance placed on it by myself and those around me. not everyone has that same desire.

11-i build things up in my head to be way harder than they actually are, even after i've seen and proven to myself that this is the case.

12-i rely too much on people and not enough on God. this is the hardest, most important lesson that i'm still in the process of learning.

13-it sucks missing things like weddings and holidays and random events.

14-it's relatively cheap to travel around asia. it's the getting over here part that's really expensive.

15-the whole north/south korea issue is really really sad. i've never really thought about it before, but the more i learn and the more i see how it does affect people's lives, the more blessed i feel to be able to talk to and see my family with almost no restrictions (even when i'm halfway around the world from them).

16-being surrounded by a solid community of believers who lead, support, and go alongside you is a huge blessing that should never be taken lightly.

17-heaters are the greatest thing ever.

18-there are some things that transcend cultures. like bieber fever.

19-even though respecting cultural differences is important, there are some things that are just a)wierd, b)frustrating, and/or c)wrong.

20-lots of times i feel stupid. ask me about politics and i couldn't tell you much. ask me about which celebrities are getting married/pregnant/broken up/caught doing something illegal, however, and i should be able to fill you in. is it bad that politics don't interest me in the slightest, but all of that keeps me completely entertained?

21-"the hawaii of korea" means nothing except that it's a volcanic island.

22-knowing all the right answers--that God is there, that He has a plan, that He's working even if you can't see it--usually does nothing to make me feel better. in fact, it usually just makes me annoyed.

23-sometimes the "best" plans are completely wrong.

24-it would be nice if God would just give answers in an obvious way instead of letting me think that i have everything figured out on my own. but He doesn't work like this... and if He does, i need to learn how to listen and stop thinking that i know what i'm doing.

25-i feel sorry for myself a lot. in reality, i know that i am truly blessed.

and there it is... there is a lot more that could be added to this list. these are just the things i can think of right now, without getting into snarky comments about korea.

i really do know that i am blessed, and that God is right here, holding me and teaching me and helping me through. it's just a long process of breaking and rebuilding that i've been due to go through for a long time now...

i love and miss you all!

really?

sometimes i get in these moods where i just feel sorry for myself. i just sit here and think about how awful my life is and how if **insert anything here** were different, my life would be awesome. and then i have to remind myself of how blessed i am. i am in the middle of an experience that not very many people will ever get the chance to have. i have people who love me, i have a God who is so good, i have a steady, solid job during a time when so many people have nothing. i truly am blessed...

and yet, i tell myself all of these things, and i still feel sad. it doesn't make me miss home any less. it doesn't make me any more stoked on going back to work after this break. it doesn't make me feel like i'm really doing any good. it doesn't make me stop worrying that i made the wrong choice in coming here. it doesn't make me okay with the fact that i'm sick and i can't just drive an hour to lie in my bed and have my mom rub my back.

and then i get frustrated that i can be so incredibly blessed... and i know how blessed i am... but i still have such a bad attitude!

this is SO not going along with my prayer for the new year... and we're only 8 days in!

Dear God,

please fix this!

love, me

resolution

so... my big new years plans were kinda changed by the BLIZZARD that was happening for the last 2 days, so my new years eve was spent playing bananagrams (which is actually what i was doing last year too!) with some friends. it was very relaxed and cozy and simple... and it was great. today was a lazy day, spent drinking mimosas all day long with a few other friends. i've never really been a big new years celebration person... and i also don't really do resolutions.

so, instead of making a bunch of promises that i know i won't be able to keep, my prayer for this year is this:

that God would take this year and do with it what He will... that i will be joyful and content in every day, not constantly waiting for the future... that i will have the confidence and the courage to sieze opportunities, whether they be experiences, conversations, or anything that comes up... that i will seek wisdom and grow in my faith and learn more and more exactly what i believe and why i believe it, and to be able to defend it with confidence... that God will continue to reveal Himself to me in ways that i can't even imagine, and that i will recognize it when it happens... that i will live my life with gladness in a way that brings glory to God in everything that i do... that people will see Him in me.

basically i'm putting this year in God's hands, because i know He's in control.

i praise God for a new year, for new opportunities, for where i am, and for all of the people i love. i pray that your year will be blessed and that you will constantly be amazed by God's goodness.

i love you all...