i've been productive in some areas, but not in the areas that i really need to be. like school. and my tefl, which i should probably have finished by now.
and it's funny because the things like school and my tefl have been on my mind a lot, but i literally have not been able to take all the thoughts i have and focus them enough to put them on paper. it's like i have all these ideas and thoughts and troubling issues floating around in my head, but i can't seem to get them out in a way that makes sense. which is also the reason i haven't been on here. also i've been very busy.
i've been thinking about a few things recently. here is what has been on my mind:
justice
teaching overseas
plans
God's faithfulness
having faith and what it means
contentment
excercise (namely: running!)
the future
the past
missy
people
goals
papers
balance
joy
thankfulness
restlessness
i could keep going. but seriously... my mind is all over the place. i'm supposed to write a paper in my justice class. it's on a book that is one of the best books i've ever read. and it's funny, because i seriously just want to talk about the book and how i feel about it, but i can't get it out to write the paper. make sense? the book is all about justice and how God hates injustice and how we can't just sit idly by and let the terrible injustices around the world happen. but it's not a guilt-inducing type of justice book. it's actually very encouraging and makes me want to go out and do justice. and it makes me feel like i actually can do something. and it brings me back to the place that i've been for so many years where i just want to get out and do it. it makes me frustrated that i still have to finish school and that i'm going to be in so much debt that i can't just go and volunteer and be poor.
and i'm excited about going to korea and i know it's going to be awesome and hopefully by the time i'm done there my debt will be paid, but i wish that i didn't have to limit my options because of money. i hate money.
i just want to go volunteer. all i need is a place to sleep and some food please. someday i will talk about "my cause" on here. but right now it's hard to talk about because i know that what i really want to do is not feasable yet, and that is annoying. and then i get frustrated.
right now i need to write my paper. and work on my tefl. these are things that i need to do, but instead i am doing other things that are not quite as important but still productive and good.
like running. i hate running. i always have. really i've always hated all excercise that comes in the form of going to a gym or purposely doing something for the sake of excercise. except recently that is not the case. turns out i actually love it. not running. i can just stand running now. but i love excercising now. it makes me feel good. and i get urges to do it, which never used to happen. and i feel weird if i go too long without it. and i also get urges to run. which is weird. but actually good because i'm going to run a 5k. and my friend carly is going to run it with me. and then a few weeks after that one i'm going to run another one with my mom. and now that fact is out on the world wide web so she has to. and so do i for that matter. i'm excited.
see... these are the random things that distract me.
also the fact that i haven't written a letter and sealed it with wax in a while, and that is sad. i'll write one. probably tomorrow actually because tonight i have other things that need to be done.
ok... this is just ridiculous now.
praise the Lord for randomness and motivation, even if it is not in the areas that i think i need it the most.
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